LATEST SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING!! BEWARE OF THE MOONBAT VIRUS

The latest warning from the Surgeon Generals office states as follows. "A nationwide poll in July on 9-11 by the Scripps Survey Research Center at Ohio University found that 36 percent of respondents think the federal government either assisted in the attacks or allowed them to happen as a pretext to start a war in the Middle East. The poll also found that 16 percent of respondents think the World Trade Center's twin towers were toppled by hidden explosives and 12 percent think the Pentagon was hit by a U.S. cruise missile. (By comparison, the same poll found that 38 percent think the feds are withholding proof of the existence of intelligent life from other planets.) It has now become a matter of national health that we declare the MOONBAT VIRUS a major epidemic" The surgeon Generals office has issued warning signs,and precautions to deal with the spreading virus as well as tips,and answers on how to deal with someone who is affected by the Moonbat Virus. The Wikipedia Encyclopedia lists "Moonbat" as "Moonbat is a political epithet coined in 2002 by Perry de Havilland of Samizdata.net a libertarian weblog. It was originally a play on the last name of George Monbiot, a columnist for The Guardian. Although the term enjoys great currency in the libertarian and conservative blogosphere as an all-purpose insult for modern liberals, peace protestors, and other ideological opponents, and can best be used to describe someone who constructs elaborate conspiracy theories.
Stage one of the Virus is commonly known as the Cocoon phase. This phase may start as simply as a Tie-dye shirt, and a Phish c.d. Now don't be alarmed if your loved one has purchased these products,but be on the lookout for other strange behavior,mostly language. For instance if the possible infected individual says something along the likes of "Iraq never attacked us why are we there?" this could be a sign. First try and explain to them that Iraq supported terrorism,and Saddam Hussein paid money to the family's of dead suicide bombers,and Iraq is part of the war on terrorism. This should be enough to either help eliminate the virus,or see if the virus has advanced to the next stage. It is also suggested that the infected watch several hours of either the Andy Griffith show or The Green Beret's starring John Wayne,and if possible they should listen to no less then 2 hours of Waylon Jennings music, it has been found that "The Eagle" or "America" on a continuous loop should be enough to reverse most of the early stages of the virus. Stage Two Of the virus is usually known as the Strange Odor Stage. Now this has nothing to do with the infected individual's hygiene,but by now they have been influenced by others infected by the Moonbat virus,and are probably starting to wear Patchouli oil. Patchouli oil is a natural oil that comes from the Patchouli plant it is also used to cover the scent of Marijuana,the Moonbats find this odor of Patchouli oil to be an aphrodisiac,and is worn by both male,and females that are infected with the virus. The stage two infected clothing will usually consist of tie-dye, camouflage, and concert t-shirts. They may start to make crazy statements like " Bush rigged the elections in 2000, and 2004" Try to explain to the infected that in 2000 the votes in Florida were counted three times,and each time Bush was declared the winner,also explain to them that if Bush were going to "fix" an election why would he choose an area that was going to be one of the last ones counted like Florida or Ohio? Why wouldn't he choose an area that would never be noticed that was also close? This may be enough to get them to understand that the conspiracy's are just that,conspiracy's not fact. Stages one,and Two are generally much easier to help reverse the affects of the virus. Again it is suggested that the infected watches either the Andy Griffith show or The Green Beret's starring John Wayne. It is also suggested that the infected does not under any cirstances watch CNN or interviews conducted by Dan Rather until the Virus leaves the body, these will only increase the chance for the Virus to spread.
Stage Three of the virus is referred to as the Anti-Everything stage. At this Point is when the virus is starting to take a serious turn for the worse. The infected will start to go to as many protests as they can, even if they don'tknow what the protest is for . They will continue to give crazy information,about how they don't support the draft. Logic is now slowly disappearing,and explaining to them that we don't have a draft will probably not sway them from going to the anti draft rally. At this point they can not help but go to as many rallies and protests as they can, anti draft, anti war, free Tookie Williams,it's not the cause that matters, it's the protest that counts. Some experts agree that it may be the smell of Patchouli oil, it is usually found repulsive by those not infected,but at this point the infected can not resist it's aroma. They will probably also start chanting crazy slogans at the drop of a hat,some of the more popular chants are "Bush lied people died" and " The Twin Towers were imploded" they may also chant slogans that seem strange to those not infected like "Hands of Fallujah". They may by now have changed in appearance quite a bit, one of the most important signs of the stage three Moonbat is the wearing of a Che Guevara T-shirt or carrying the flag of the U.S.S.R. to one of their protests, if they have both they are surely in stage three. One of the reason most Moonbats identify with Guevara is that many of them are like him the children of wealthy leftist, so when they see real poverty it shocks them,and they think they only way to make things even is to overthrow the Government. It is suggested that the stage three infected Moonbat goes out and gets a job, preferably a blue color job or one in which there is a chance they get dirty. When the have done so they will see how Capitalism works, then there is still the chance that the infected will be able to recover. Stage Four is known as The Blank Stare Stage. When the infected has entered this stage there is no help for recovery. It is also know as the thousand mile stare, and can be seen in the above examples of One of the nations most well known Moonbats Cindy Sheehan when she was still in her fourth stage infection, as well as Manson Family member Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme most members of the Manson family possessed the blank stare, however most Moonbats even in these late stages are not violent people. The infected in this stage have now lost all sense of reason,and some like Miss Sheehan have also lost most of their sanity. They will talk about what a horrible country we live in,and look at Cuba as a shining example of freedom. Even if you explain to them that From the time Fidel Castro took power in 1959 that by the year 1967 experts believe that over 5000 executions had been carried out against people who spoke against the Government of Cuba,those not executed where imprissioned. Or that the Constitution Of Cuba states that citizens have the right to free speech as long as it keeps with the objective of a socialist society. They will still argue that Cuba is free society,and America is not. Even when they use America's freedom's in a public place they can not be convinced that they are doing so. It is still under much debate between scientists if those infected with the fourth stage of the virus are misinformed or just pathological liars. There is no hope for the fourth stage infected Moonbats. They can not understand common sense anymore. If you have a loved one who is in the Fourth stage of the virus all one can do is hope that one day they are committed before they hurt themselves or someone else. Do not try to convince the loved one that they are wrong about anything, this will only anger them,and make them believe you are part of "The Conspiracy" It's best to just pat their arm,and tell them they'll be o.k. Even John Wayne, Andy Griffith,and Waylon Jennings in a steady barrage can not turn them back now. Stage Five This is the final stage and is known in the scientific community as The Sack of Squirrels stage. It was named that, because at this point the infected have become crazier then a sack of squirrels. They are now full blooded Moonbats. One of the unique things with this stage is that they now have severe hearing problems. They can still hear everything,but if you are saying something that they don't agree with it sounds as if your blowing a trumpet in their ear, so since they can't hear you, when they talk to you they feel the need to yell,and they do so at very inopportune times like at funerals,and award shows. They also show an extreme hatred for anything that America stands for, they believe in freedom of speech,but if question them they call you a hate monger. They also say things like 9-11 happened because of things that we've done,and then in the next sentence will say 9-11 was a conspiracy by the Bush administration. At this point they will do anything to recruit more Moonbats, some will write books about conspiracy's, some will make movie's in which they will make up facts or twist one story into another,and change names all for the sake of the making more Money. Yes at this point the Moonbats who have grown to hate capitalism will do whatever it takes to make a quick buck, even if that means learning to cry on cue for the camera's,and posing for pictures on the grave of their dead children. Anyone can become a Moonbat even The son of extremely popular former conservative President's as in the case of Ron Reagan Jr. So do not take for granted that your loved one can't become a Moonbat. The important thing is to look for the early warning signs. More then two Tie-dyed shirts, music by Phish, Neal Young or if your loved one never listened to the Dixie Chicks until after the infamous we're not proud of George Bush comment, the smell of Patchouli oil,and most importantly conspiracy theory comments on more then one topic. Also remember that not all infected with the Moonbat Virus will become stage five Moonbats,they may never advance further then the early stages. Scientists also claim that 98% of all Moonbats infected with the stage Five of the virus will die penniless,and insane trying to play a phonograph record with a peanut, so it's important to catch it in the early stages if at all possible. This has been a public service announcement by the Surgeon General in conjunction with The Angry American. (Parody not to be taken seriously) well at least not in a literal sense.